I was either unaware or unwilling to admit how much of my life has been spent putting things off until tomorrow.
"Oh, I will start eating better....tomorrow. Or maybe Monday. It's always best to start something new on a Monday."
"I really should get to the gym. No point going today though. I need to work it into my schedule first."
"The backyard really needs some help. Of course, it would be silly to do anything about it right now because I don't have any extra funding to get it all done at one time."
"I need to get rid of my online profile. It's just a timewaster and a drama starter. As soon as I finish all of my Words with Friends games AND find someone to moderate my two communities, I'll delete it."
But, here is the truth, plain and simple...in the words of Prof. Harold Hill from the Music Man - "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering.”
Yesterday, I deleted my Facebook account. I didn't spend any time dragging out my goodbyes. I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it. I briefly lamented how my Duncan, OK group is going to go downhill fast because no one else will be as OCD as I am about spam ads before realizing that the worst thing that could happen is people quit supporting the group. I swallowed my pride relating to defending my honor on Words With Friends. And, then. I pulled the plug.
It felt so good. Freeing - just like when I deleted my LiveJournal a few years ago.
I started running last week. I can't run very far or very long and by the time I round the last corner of my city block, I'm puffing away like a steam engine. But, it feels so good. And it gets the day started in a good place. I have time to get myself in order. To put my day in order. To pray about the things weighing on my mind. And it's just me. I'm not distracted by anyone else doing anything else. I'm just moving.
Today, I held my cranky, teething baby for most of the day. He needed me. I visited with my 22 month old about his toys and books and his little brother and how much I love him. And when Pete got home from work and from the grocery store, Jack and I went outside and power washed the jogging stroller so he can come with me sometimes. And, I started digging up the 16" red brick pavers to move around to the front of the house so I can get rid of the hideous white rock walkway that has been there since before we moved in. Nothing earth shattering.
But, it feels really, really good.