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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Let's Get To The Bottom of The Issue

Things are going well on many fronts in my life at the moment. The babies are good. I've settled down into my stay at home mom routine. Finances are ticking along. Pretty much everything is as it should be with one glaring exception.

My relationship with my husband is completely falling apart. And I don't know how to stop the bleeding at this point. I can't tell you what is wrong. Neither of us can put our finger on one event or one moment or one conversation that is the root of the issue. It's just very frustrating. I would go into more details, but it would only be from my perspective which obviously one sided. But, if we happen to cross your mind, please say a prayer for us. I am not going anywhere. This is where I belong. I'm supposed to be married to this man and I'm supposed to be mother to these two boys and this is my life and I love it. I'm in the long run on this and I'm sure we will get something figured out.

In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to make things right again. The third baby issue was settled months ago from my perspective, but it keeps upsetting my husband. So, I spent all day yesterday cleaning out the storage room under the stairs and made a heap of baby furniture, Boppys, Bumbos, baby swings, changing tables, and the baby girl decor we had been given before we knew Elliott was a boy. I asked him to put everything on Craigslist for me. The only thing I haven't been able to part with yet is a fleece sleepbag covered in pink elephants. I'm sure I'll be able to let that go too before too long. And I only teared up for a few seconds. If this is what it will take to show him that the baby issue is settled, I'm okay with letting go of these material things.

We'll see what happens from here.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Birthday Reminder

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks, but due to being sick, we have been holed up in our little yellow house riding out a very persistent round of roseola. As a result, birthday gifts and cards have been trickling in from friends and church family Sunday by Sunday.

It always means so much when someone goes out of the way to encourage you or let you know you're appreciated. I received a card this birthday that has ended up being an encouraging, but also very sobering reminder that someone is always watching and observing the decisions I make and the actions I take.

This is what the card said:
"Dear Laura - Happy birthday! I am so very thankful for you. As a mother of daughters, your example of how to be a Godly wife and mother, is such, that I encourage them to learn from you. May you continue to increase in love for the brethren. Blessings! Love - KR."

Needless to say, that was a total "Wow..." moment in my life. I needed that encouragement and reminder because not only do I have two beautiful sons who are with me every day, watching how I treat them and how I interact with their dad and developing their own definition of how marriage and parenthood and relationships are supposed to work...but I also have other people's children watching me to see how things are supposed to work in marriage, parenthood, and relationships.

I have the note displayed on my bulletin board in the kitchen where I can see it and read it every single day and be reminded to watch my actions, watch my words, and be mindful of how many people are watching. And not watching for the purpose of being able to say "HA! We KNEW you were a bad parent!" or waiting for me to make a mistake. Not at all. They are watching me because I have done things or said things in the past that were encouraging to them.

And, boy, I am THANKFUL for that! That is a HUGE encouragement to ME. Good incentive to keep enduring.

Saturday, December 15, 2012