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Friday, February 8, 2013

Hissy Fit Update

Things are improving significantly since my last hissy fit / post. Mostly because I realize that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to life. I'm the perfectionist. I'm the overcommitment freak. I'm the first to volunteer for EVERYTHING. I have the hardest time telling someone no. AND, I'm the world's worst about not keeping my big mouth shut and my hand by my side whenever I see that there is something that needs to be done / it appears that there is something that needs to be done. Maybe, if I hung back more, it would give other people time to offer to take care of everything. Right?

So, here's the deal. I start my grant writing class on the 20th of this month. It's a 6 week course. I am hosting a dinner on the 15th. I'm hosting a dinner on the 21st for about 30 min and then Pete will take over so I can go to the United Way's allocations meeting - I'm a panel chair again this year. I have a Leadership Duncan meeting on the 18th where I have to help recap Social Service Day and share the results of the two surveys I analyzed on behalf of the steering committee. After that, we have sweet baby E's first birthday blow out on the 24th (celebrating a little early), a photo shoot on March 2, and a banquet on March 14.

THAT IS IT. So, I have made myself a promise to agree to NOTHING ELSE. If it's not on my calendar yet, it's just not gonna happen. I hate being so inflexible, but we are talking about my sanity here. And my ability to be nice to people.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Everyone Has That One Friend...

The one who goes the extra mile and organizes lunch plans when everyone else in the group drones on and on about how nice it would be for everyone to get together but never bothers to invite anyone.

The one who remembers to take pictures of your children for you when you forget to bring your camera to the important life graduation, for example.

The one who actually remembers your birthday and patiently listens to you while you complain about all the other people who forgot your birthday even though she remembered AND bought you a gift!

The one who doesn't take it personally when you forget to say thank you, cancel plans at the last possible minute because something more fun came along, and forget to remember her birthday in return.

The one who patiently endures your false accusations, your backstabbing, your lies, and your manipulation because she knows that at one point, you were a good friend and she is desparately hoping that you can find your way back to that place again.

The one who works behind the scenes planning a fun filled, 15 year high school reunion complete with kid friendly options, easy on the budget, and appealing to a wide range of people only to be told that committing to group rate tickets (that sell out quickly) is just too long term in the planning department right now and you haven't even seriously discussed it with your spouse as something you might want to do.

The one who never takes her sick children to ANYTHING because she doesn't want to expose anyone else's children while you insist on dragging your coughing, sneezing, fever running, vomiting children to everything.

The one who never talks about your parenting choices even if she thinks you are borderlining on crazy with all the conspiracy theories about how Merck admitted to putting cancer in vaccinations, how there is rat poison in your children's toothpaste, and how making your children get flu shots actually makes them get the flu while you take every opportunity possible to suggest changes she could make in her parenting techniques because they don't line up with yours.

The one who calls to check up on you when you have been MIA for a couple of days or a week because she wants you to stay encouraged and plugged in even though you have never bothered to check up on her.

Sometimes, it's exhausting being the one.

Monday, January 28, 2013


Things have been off to a wild beginning this year. Wild as in lots of things to do and lots of sick babies and lots of figuring things out.

Things are back on track relationshipwise which is good news. From what I can gather, my husband has been overwhelmed with all of the work stressors and was bringing it home unintentionally. He was promoted and transferred to another office right after the new year and since then, things are much better for him which means things are much better for us. I have also been helping him figure out how to finish up his bachelor's degree in the UK because he's just one class short of graduating. I think we will both feel better when that has been finished. We have come up with a solution on the work front that will still give me the flexibility to stay home with the babies, but I can bring in a second income on the side which will help relieve some of the stress / pressure he has been carrying for the past several months.

I have been busy with my new consulting projects and the babies and working hard to get our newly started alma mater local chapter off the ground. I have two amazing people helping me and that is going to make the process a lot smoother. I had to laugh today though because I realized that in my enthusiasm at finding new friends who share my love of something, I am probably coming on a little strong and need to tone it down before I scare them away.

The one thing that keeps coming back to mind can best be said like...

"I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time."

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Let's Get To The Bottom of The Issue

Things are going well on many fronts in my life at the moment. The babies are good. I've settled down into my stay at home mom routine. Finances are ticking along. Pretty much everything is as it should be with one glaring exception.

My relationship with my husband is completely falling apart. And I don't know how to stop the bleeding at this point. I can't tell you what is wrong. Neither of us can put our finger on one event or one moment or one conversation that is the root of the issue. It's just very frustrating. I would go into more details, but it would only be from my perspective which obviously one sided. But, if we happen to cross your mind, please say a prayer for us. I am not going anywhere. This is where I belong. I'm supposed to be married to this man and I'm supposed to be mother to these two boys and this is my life and I love it. I'm in the long run on this and I'm sure we will get something figured out.

In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to make things right again. The third baby issue was settled months ago from my perspective, but it keeps upsetting my husband. So, I spent all day yesterday cleaning out the storage room under the stairs and made a heap of baby furniture, Boppys, Bumbos, baby swings, changing tables, and the baby girl decor we had been given before we knew Elliott was a boy. I asked him to put everything on Craigslist for me. The only thing I haven't been able to part with yet is a fleece sleepbag covered in pink elephants. I'm sure I'll be able to let that go too before too long. And I only teared up for a few seconds. If this is what it will take to show him that the baby issue is settled, I'm okay with letting go of these material things.

We'll see what happens from here.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Birthday Reminder

I celebrated my birthday a few weeks, but due to being sick, we have been holed up in our little yellow house riding out a very persistent round of roseola. As a result, birthday gifts and cards have been trickling in from friends and church family Sunday by Sunday.

It always means so much when someone goes out of the way to encourage you or let you know you're appreciated. I received a card this birthday that has ended up being an encouraging, but also very sobering reminder that someone is always watching and observing the decisions I make and the actions I take.

This is what the card said:
"Dear Laura - Happy birthday! I am so very thankful for you. As a mother of daughters, your example of how to be a Godly wife and mother, is such, that I encourage them to learn from you. May you continue to increase in love for the brethren. Blessings! Love - KR."

Needless to say, that was a total "Wow..." moment in my life. I needed that encouragement and reminder because not only do I have two beautiful sons who are with me every day, watching how I treat them and how I interact with their dad and developing their own definition of how marriage and parenthood and relationships are supposed to work...but I also have other people's children watching me to see how things are supposed to work in marriage, parenthood, and relationships.

I have the note displayed on my bulletin board in the kitchen where I can see it and read it every single day and be reminded to watch my actions, watch my words, and be mindful of how many people are watching. And not watching for the purpose of being able to say "HA! We KNEW you were a bad parent!" or waiting for me to make a mistake. Not at all. They are watching me because I have done things or said things in the past that were encouraging to them.

And, boy, I am THANKFUL for that! That is a HUGE encouragement to ME. Good incentive to keep enduring.

Saturday, December 15, 2012