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Monday, August 27, 2012

Soccer Widow

Soccer Widow

I am working through something that is so trivial when I actually put it into words, but it is still making me annoyed / disappointed.

Pete played soccer during the spring season with a bunch of guys we know (mostly through church.) Sounds like fun on the surface, right? Well, it wasn't. Not for him and certainly not for me. I was in my last month of pregnancy when the season officially kicked off and Elliott was born at the very end of February. Newborn babies, a 1.5 year old, and soccer practice / soccer games just do not mix. I found myself completely alone in the house every Saturday (pretty much all day), every practice night (two - three per week), whenever the guys wanted to review the games on video, and/or whenever the guys wanted to go to dinner after the game. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if it had been limited to these (too many) activities, but then there was the soccer spillover, as I like to call it.

Saturdays just wore Pete out. He's in his thirties, not used to playing that intensely, and every little thing would provoke him so by the time he arrived home from the game, he would have to spend a few hours decompressing and ragging on the other players, the other team, the ref, the crowd, WHOMEVER got on his nerves that day. I am sure it annoyed me more than it should have due to the sleep deprivation, raging hormones, mastitis, and other baby related stuff, but let me just tell you that it was one of the most discouraging seasons of my married life.

On top of that, Pete started missing church on Sundays because he needed to sleep in to recover from Saturday. On the rare occasions that we made it out to my parents house for sunday dinner, he would either fall asleep in the recliner or go shut himself up in the music room. IF he talked to anyone for any length of time, it was to my two brothers who also played on the team which was like the saturday ragging session intensified. Again, DISCOURAGING.

So, by the end of the season, Pete was beginning to see that he left that soccer field angry and upset with people over the STUPIDEST things. He came home after the last game, sat down with me, and stated that he didn't think it was good for him to play and that he was not going to play in the fall season. I wholeheartedly approved and thanked him profusely and have reminded him of this position from time to time over the summer. Each time it came up, he was adament that he was NOT going to play.

And then, he committed to the team again. And THEN came home to tell me that he had committed. No discussion. No asking my opinion. Just "Yeah, sure guys! Sounds great!" I was not very happy about, another discussion ensued. I shared everything I have shared here to which he said that he wanted to pray about it and he would let me know what he came up with at the end. So, he then told the team captain that it wasn't peaceable for him to play this season and THEN came home to tell me what had happened. I was so estatic that he had decided not to play.

But, then, he started talking about how much he was going to resent me if he didn't play. And he started talking about how it was his decision to make. And about how he just needed some time to himself every week. I have seriously had to fight back some major annoyance / wanting to choke someone during these conversations.

I pleaded with him to please not sign up again. I talked about my concerns. About the time it takes away from our family and our extended family. About how much it disrupts our ability to have people over to visit and to eat dinner on Fridays. About how much it influenced him not attending church each week.

And yet, he decided to do it. And every single time something comes up and I realize that I am either not going to be able to commit to doing it / helping with it / going to it / etc... OR I realize that I'm going to have to reach out to my family and beg for someone to help me keep up with the boys (when I feel like it's Pete's job to do), I get ANNOYED. Majorly annoyed.

So, you all pray for me, please. Otherwise, it's going to be a VERY long soccer season.


  1. I'm sorry that I did not read this a month ago (don't know how I missed it) but I started cringing the minute he said he was going to play and you started talking to him about not playing. I knew what was coming. I knew what you were feeling, but more so, I knew what Pete was feeling. I will be glad to share what 35 years of marriage has taught me on this if you want to hear it sometime. But here is the short version: if it something that he loves - like soccer - go beyond your means to provide him that happiness and make it easy for him. Wouldn't you want the same from him?

  2. I decided to buck up and be as supportive as possible, so the boys and I went to the first game and were able to hang until halftime. We'll try to go again to the next early game. We'll get through it! I know what you mean and yes, I would want the same, so I'm being a cheerful giver this soccer season! :)