If I could go back and do it all again...

Well, simply put, I wouldn't.

Living in the here and now, enjoying the life that I have now, being thankful for His mercies which are new every single day means there is peace and contentment. There is a complete lack of anxiety or fear. I don't have to spend a single second of my day trying to figure out all the angles and plan and scheme my future away.

I remember being 19 - 23. They were some of the darkest, most feaful days of my life. I thought I knew better. I thought there was a better life "somewhere out there" away from the accountability and away from the support that had been offered to me through my family and my extended family. I allowed myself to look to other PEOPLE as my standard and was somehow shocked and disappointed when they failed to measure up to my expectations at times. I grew weary in walking in love towards other people. I grew tired of "having people poking their nose into my business all the time" because I wasn't able to see that they were holding a mirror up to my face and asking me to take a look at what I was becoming. I didn't understand it came from a place of caring about me and for me and wanting to see me succeed in everything that was GOOD for me.

It breaks my heart to see others struggling with the same things. And it's not just the younger crowd. I see people my age and older going through the same testing that I went through all those years ago. And, I want to say to each of them...it will not be worth it in the end should you choose to turn your back on the things that you know to be true. Even if you were to argue that you are unsure of the truth or you don't agree that it's the truth, time will show. And the world is a harsh teacher and even crueler master.

Count the cost before you put on those rose colored glasses and abandon everything you have known up to this point. If there is a lack of peace, it's not from above.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Home Work

After a lot of waiting and praying and waiting...MaddieLuke, LTD is officially open for business! It's been a project that has been rolling around in my brain for several years, but after "retiring" from the work world, I finally seem to have the time needed to focus on launching my own business. It's a consulting firm of which I am the sole consulter so probably just a fancy way of saying I'm self-employed, but I like it. A lot.

Since it's early days, I'm doing some pro bono projects to get some customer testimonials and work out any kinks in my standard operating procedures. One project is with a non-profit in town, one project is with a homeschooled freshman, and the last project is being a campaign advisor for a local resident planning to run for state senate. I think I'm the most excited about the last project because I love politics. It's fast paced, involved, requires a lot of research and memorization, and there is a plethora of problem solving which I enjoy doing the most.

But, the main purpose of the consulting firm is two-fold. First, act as an educational consultant for homeschooling families in the state by checking over their records and body of work to ensure they are meeting Oklahoma PASS objectives. If not, making suggestions and recommendations on how to bring their work into compliance while helping them build a transcript / portfolio / record of work. Second, act as an organizational consultant for projects and non-profits including suggesting ways to more efficiently conduct business, update policies and procedures, and brainstorming / problem solving through issues that are currently challenging the organization.

I am excited to see what comes of these things and I'm enjoying the way my day is running. I have the daytime with J, early evening with P, and then I spend the last two hours of the day working on one/all of the projects I currently have ongoing.

But, I'm being mindful that if I get overly involved (like I tend to do), I will have to be willing and able to lay it all aside considering how much the Lord has been helping me focus on my priorities over the past few months. I certainly don't want to do anything detrimental!

FALL

It is finally Fall in Oklahoma! It rained a few weeks ago for a couple of days and now everything is lush and green in our backyard. Mostly weeds at this point, but it looks pretty. The weather has cooled down to a lovely 70 degrees F during the day and almost down to freezing at night. I'm sure it will heat up again before fall officially settles in, but we are grateful for the reprieve.

Baby G #2 is a boy! We had our 5 month scan about two weeks ago and everything is where it is supposed to be and functioning as it should and we're very grateful for that news as well. We decided to name him Elliott Frederick. The cutest thing in my little home right now is sweet baby J trying to say "Elliott." It comes out "Ell-eee?"

I am finding myself much more settled /comfortable with the title of stay at home mom. I am no longer struggling with trying to figure out what my role is going to be. When I first realized that I was going to have to give up all of the board/charity work that I had been doing since J's arrival, it was a struggle. I felt lost for several weeks. But, it's because my perspective was so limited. I was only seeing what I was losing and I wasn't open to what could be gained by freeing up that time and energy. I have found my focus restored and the biggest conviction that I have pressing on me at the moment is to make good use of the time that J and I have left together before we add in Baby E's presence. There is so much for both of us to learn between now and then.


There are always new lessons to learn, old lessons to revisit, and the opportunity to improve things that haven't been quite rounded and softened out of us yet. I am finding this to be true in all areas of life and I'm having to reconsider my stance on certain situations and people especially. I'm such a black and white thinker about things. I like evaluating and making decisions and seeing the decisions through. But, in that process, I think I have given up on people or distanced myself from people who are being knit into my larger family and at the end of the day, it was never my place to say who was worth walking away from because that's not the purpose to which I have been called. I'm learning that patience, hope, love, and endurance are what is required to see things through to completion - in myself and in others. We can't do this kind of work or experience this kind of growth alone if we have set our eyes on the prize and are determined to see it through.


Repetition is my biggest lesson with J in this season. Constant review and interaction and encouragement and reminders which pay off in a big way because at some point in the repetition, something clicks and HE GETS IT. Repetition is something good for my life as well because it's exactly the same. When good things are being put in steadily, constantly, and consistently and my heart dwells on them, at some point in the repetition, something clicks and I GET IT. So, I am reminding myself for myself and reminding myself for J, continue in the good way. Don't grow weary in well doing. Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together. Walk in love. As HE is in this world, so are we.

Things are heating up!

In so many senses of that phrase.

Including...life at work for P. He's living under many microscopes at the moment with many tests coming his way to see if he will abandon his course, but he's hanging in there and asking for help from the one place he knows it comes from.

Including...our house. It's literally 80 degrees in our house with the A/C working overtime, ceiling fans on high, etc...we think it's coming up through the beautiful 1940s pine floors so we're either going to have to foam the underside of the house to close up the gaps or put carpet back in. I think J would like option 2 better now that he's pretty mobile and on the go most of the time.

Including...our pantry! A mouse chewed through the line that runs water from the water heater to the ice maker in the fridge and the only way we knew was when I decided to deep clean the pantry last night and discovered mold growing on all my cake mix boxes and taco shell boxes! DISGUSTING. We had to remove all the shelves, rip the sheetrock out about halfway up the wall, remove the laminate, linoleum, and sub-flooring, and we're going to have to treat the studs themselves. I'm so glad we found out that there was a problem before the wall caved in! Stupid mice.

Including...the tests and trials in general that are coming against us as a family and as a body. We know that we lose our lives in Christ and entrust ourselves to Him, there will be things that come against us. If we perservere and endure, we grow. The outcome is good when we stick it out and pass our tests. So, that's what we are asking for...strength to endure and wisdom to know how to handle everything that comes our way.

Including...others around us. This ties back into tests and trials, but as the weather heats up, tempers are flaring up left and right! Thankfully, I haven't had to endure a face to face flare up yet, but I'm ready to just step away from Facebook until things cool down. While I'm not on the giving or receiving end of ANYTHING, it's such a discouragement to see people lose their peace over something and then spew all over their friends causing the weaker ones to become inflamed as well. This leads to no good things and rather than continue to observe or end up "un-friending" a LOT of people, I think it's just easier to use Facebook as a place to post pics of J for P's family right now. Too many temptations to get involved in things that are none of my concern and too much opportunity for unnecessary battering of the soul.

Stay cool, be at peace, let not your heart be troubled, and endure as a good soldier of Jesus Christ!