Almost time

We are two weeks away from sweet baby E's due date, but he's already the same size as J was when J was born. In light of all the contractions I have been having at random intervals, I am thinking E might be here ahead of schedule which is okay by me!

I finally got the hospital bag packed and my focal point finished. I decided to do something similiar to last time. A few scriptures, two pics of J, and an ultrasound pic of E in a frame. It's nice to have something to focus on when things start getting intense and between E's sweet face and J running around in some striped pjs and piggy ears, I will have all the incentive I need to push through. No pun intended.

E's baby shower is this Sunday. Between my sister's wedding, wedding showers, and this baby shower, I think my family has the streamlined approach down to perfection. We're having the shower immediately following the church service, we're serving grab and go refreshments, and we're just having the gifts displayed instead of opening everything. The only sit down and stop activity is the ABC book. We made one at J's shower and it's still my most favorite gift. Each shower guest selects a letter of the alphabet and then colors a page that represents the letter. J's book is adorable because it's a great mix of adults and kids' artwork. I can't wait to see E's when it's finished.

I have a few more household things that I need to finish up and P needs to finish remodeling the guest bath so we can prepare for the British invasions that will occur over the next couple of months, but other than that...I think we're good. :)

What a difference a year makes...

My sweet baby J turned 1 on Thursday. I spent the actual day of his birth cuddling him and talking him about how much he has changed my life for the better. I'm sure he grew weary of all the hugs and kisses, but he never let on.

Friday, I began the daunting task of completing his 1st year baby scrapbook. I have managed to keep a baby calendar for the past year which is no easy task and ended up saving all the photos to do at one time. Thankfully, I have a very patient and helpful mentor to assist me in getting my creativity going and I was able to complete 22 pages of pictures before it was time to head to Norman to celebrate my mother's birthday with the family.

Saturday, we had J's birthday party. We decided a few months ago that while we wanted the huge celebration with family and friends, baby J is in need of NOTHING (except diapers, maybe) and we didn't want anyone to feel obligated to bring him a gift. So, we decided to ask guests to bring a donation for the local Humane Society instead for us to donate on J's behalf. I wasn't sure how people would respond, but we ended up with a half a truckbed of items to donate and J got to celebrate the day with about 70 friends and family at the local park. We still managed to come home with half a sheet cake which we gave to my teenage brothers to enjoy.

After J's park party, we headed out to my parents for the family party complete with burgers, fries, baked beans, and a marble cupcake with chocolate icing for J. He loved it! Mom and Dad bought him a little green tractor to ride around on at their house and he also received some money which we're using to open his college savings account. I'm sure he'll thank us for being so frugal one day, lol.

Today, I took J to church by myself because P was called into the office around 8am. J had a few minor meltodwns but ended up falling asleep in the end which was a relief. I know he probably sounds louder to me than he sounds to everyone else, but it's nerve wracking to balance that fine line between J learning to sit still and us being a huge disruption to everyone else. Hopefully, after a few more weeks of us being consistent, he will either find ways to quietly entertain himself or fall asleep without a lot of coaxing. Patience, patience...on both of our parts!

I had to resign from all of my organizations and boards that I have been serving on. It was a really hard thing to let go of because it's been my bridge between being a professional and being a stay at home mom, but the Lord was making it really clear that in order to grow, I needed to let go. My place is home with J and my job right now is taking care of him and taking care of myself ot make sure that Baby #2 has every opportunity to grow and develop in a stress-free environment. There have been a few days here and there where I have struggled with letting go of such a big part of my identity, but thankfully, it's getting better with each passing day. I know in my heart and head that those things were temperal at best and a distraction at worst, so it's better to not have my focus being so divided. I just  need to stand firm on that conviction.

Funny how quickly things change...

As of March 2012, I will have TWO babies under the age of two. :D

Too busy....

But, it's not a bad thing. At all. J is now completely mobile and army crawling all over the place. I thought I was busy before, but my goodness! I have really had to ramp up the vaccuming and keeping everything picked up just to make sure J doesn't get into anything he shouldn't. I still haven't figured out a good way to stay on top of Luke's excessive amount of dog hair. Since the weather has been fluxuating so much these past few weeks, he's shedding like crazy. If anyone ever tries to tell you that beagles "don't shed that much" kick them in the shins and run away because they are being dishonest with you!

It's a busy time of year for the boards that I am currently working with so I've been spending a lot of time in meetings and reviewing paperwork. I am enjoying the challenges and the interactions with people that I don't get to see on a regular basis. It's been nice to do some problem solving / critical thinking that doesn't relate to any of my bedroom closets or kitchen cabinets.

I have also spending a lot of time with my mother which I have loved. We have been going through her house like an organizing whirlwind and I'm so proud of her for parting with some of her beloved books and homeschooling materials from 15 years ago. She has been saving them for us to use if we decided to homeschool and I think she realized that the history and science are pretty outdated. She singlehandedly pared down to her most favorite books from each subject area and tomorrow we will put them away under the stairs so they are easier for her to get to when she needs them again. We are also tackling the under the stairs storage area tomorrow as well as the laundry room and closets.

We are both utilizing some of the new(ish) consignment shops in town as we're sorting through and getting rid of things. New2You Boutique at 9th & Main is currently accepting name brand women and girl's clothing, shoes, and accessories. Ecelctic Echo is accepting home decor, furniture, and other home goods. It's a nice way to make some spending money without having to hassle with eBay. I'm hoping to make enough this summer to pay for my vintage pin up (classy, not trashy) photo shoot that is scheduled for the end of September.

And, I'm making more effort to spend quality time pursuing things that are important and essential to me. My walk with the Lord, my relationship with my husband and son, my time with my family, my time with my friends, and improving my health are taking up most of my day. And I think this is great. In addition to all of the obvious positives, it has really reduced the potential negatives that were always looming in the background, waiting to pull me under.

Doing the right thing...

This week, so far, has been great in the sense of seeing some good results. But, as I'm sure most people know, the work required to get good results can sometimes be tedious, painful, or challening to accomplish. It can require us to squirm in discomfort from the heat or backlash we might experience from others. It can require us to give up even more in order to attain something greater. It can cause us to increase in areas. It can cause us to decrease / give up even more in areas. It can cause some relationships to end, others to begin. It can push some away, draw others close. It can require us to be quiet, inwardly and outwardly. 

But, even when it's uncomfortable, coming to the end and seeing the fruits of your labor when you have succeeded makes the uncomfort completely worth it. And more willing to go through the next process.  

Measuring Up

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." - Samuel Johnson

I have been doing some thinking about interacting with others lately. It's so easy to love those who are pleasant and amiable. It's easy to get along with those who behave acceptably. It's easy to be nice to someone when you know you will get something nice in exchange.

But, it's a true labor of love to be good to those who won't be good to you in return. It's a true testament of character to be able to turn the other cheek when someone continually mistreats you on a large scale or small scale. It's choosing to be patient with that person while you allow the experience to smooth out your rough edges.

I'm always observing those around me to see how they treat others. I'm especially interested in watching those around me when it comes to their interactions with those poor souls who work in a customer service capacity.

1. Nothing annoys me more than watching someone treat our waiter / waitress without respect. I cringe when I'm out to dinner with someone and they either act like the waitstaff doesn't exist (ignorning questions, ignoring drink refill offers, not stopping their conversation when it's time to place the order) or they act like the waitstaff are idiots who should have read their mind to know what they needed when they haven't made the request in the first place (EXCUSE ME! I NEED THREE RAMIKANS OF SALAD DRESSING - NOT TWO) Combining the two makes me never want to have lunch with you again. Complaining about having to tip or leaving less than 15% when the food and service was good is also a huge red flag for me.
2. I think we can all agree that cell phone service in general can be a little pricey and that the companies overall look for ways to make extra money at every turn. However, being rude or condescending to those working the front line for said companies is misplacing your rage. 90% of the time, the person mistreating those at work is the person who would complain about having to pay tax dollars towards TANF, SNAP, and other goverment assisted programs for those who are NOT working. Instead of thinking about how this customer service rep is making an honest day's wage at a highly stressful job with little to no thanks and support from his/her customer base, that person thinks it's perfectly fine to yell and scream and holler and pitch an adult sized hissy fit "because I want the company to know how disgusted I am with their service!" If that's really how you feel, why not write a letter or call their headquarters? I can guarantee you that the person you just yelled at isn't going to take it on a company level and pass that feedback along to their higher ups. They are going to take it personally and eventually, they will either quit their job or they will become calloused and unpleasant, unwilling to do anything above and beyond the bare minimum of their job.
3. Thinking you're more important that you actually are is another thing that annoys me, but this one amuses me at the same time. If I pull up to a valet restaurant in my 2005 Dodge Neon that's covered in dust and bug guts, I expect the person parking my car to be courteous and prompt and pleasant. But, I don't expect them to roll out the red carpet and gush all over me and make me feel important. They know as well as I do that the tip I'm able to give at the end of the night isn't going to be the same kind of tip I would give if I was driving a Bentley. Expecting people to drop everything and make a fuss over you everytime you exhale is going to cause me to limit my time with you. Especially if you expect me to make a fuss over you everytime I see you. Does this mean I'm not happy to see my friends? Of course not. I just don't make a lot of room in my life for high maintenance folks. I simply don't have enough time to invest in those kinds of relationships. 

So, what brought all this on? I was watching my son today. Watching him watching me. Watching P. And I was reminded that he is a mirror of what he is around everyday. If I want him to be respectful and treat everyone courteously, kindly, consistently....I have to be a good example. I have to provide that standard for him. And it made me realize that if I can be kind to those who will do no good to me, I can be kind to EVERYONE in my life at all times. And that is what I want J to see on a daily basis and that is one of the things I want him to remember about me when he is grown.

Crossroads

I would like to make a case against the old saying, "Hindsight is 20/20" because if that was true, I can think of a handful of things I would have done differently along the way by being able to quickly go back and reverse a decision I made.

I think if the statement is true, it's only true years after the event has passed. Only at the point when you can lay hurt feelings aside, be completely honest with yourself about what caused you to act the way you did about things, and stop questioning what caused the other party's actions to play out the way things did can you truly say that hindsight is 20/20. Otherwise, looking back is being filtered. And usually the filter is already tainted with too many other feelings, emotions, or speculations which makes anything you might take away from the experience invalid.

Directly after the event occurs, the emotions can range from relief to anger to pain to guilt. Maybe you think it was for the best. Maybe you think it's the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Maybe you're too afraid to feel anything about it all so you box it up and put it away on a high shelf where you won't think to look at it again for awhile. Maybe you obsess over every little detail, looking for answers and trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together. Maybe your pride kicks in and you refuse to acknowledge what YOU did that caused things to unravel or come together in such ways.

Then, a few weeks go by. You find that you are no longer remembering every little detail. Maybe you can go through most of the day before something causes you to remember. Maybe you have removed everything or everyone that would make you remember so it's like it never even happened.

Then, a few months or a year goes by. Maybe something triggers a memory like a song or a scent or a taste. And instead of feeling the same way, you feel almost the opposite. Pain is replaced with warmth. Happiness / joy is replaced with regret. Anger replaced with love. Pride replaced with humbleness. Relief replaced with sadness. And instead of shoving everything aside, you find yourself beginning to make peace with each piece as you break it down and look at it section by section. As you resolve one piece, you put it away, most likely to never see it again.

And then, what you have left at the end of the process is either complete resolution of understanding exactly what happened and why. Or, you are left with a few things that don't quite make sense. They haven't exactly been resolved. You're still not sure what happened or why it happened or who initiated the event. And you can't move forward or put it away never to look at again because it still doesn't make any sense.

It's then, only here at this point, can hindsight be 20/20. Only here can you truly say "This is what I should have done," "This is how I wish I had handled things," "Had I done this instead, this is where my life would have taken a different path or direction." The unfortunate thing about reaching this point, most of the time, is that what was once a crossroads has now become an intricate web and if you were to pull on that one loose string, everything you have done since that event would become unraveled in the process.

What this means for someone like me is that instead of having everything in my life neatly resolved and put away, there will have to be things that never receive the level of closure that I would prefer. Instead of getting to go back and get to the bottom of exactly what happened and what I could have, should have, might have, wished I had done...I have to accept that the past is behind me. Whatever lies back there in one way or another has led me to where I am today. And the love, forgiveness, and mercy extended to my life in spite of some very bad decisions are not to be taken for granted.

And the second chances to make things right are not to be squandered by being selfish and only thinking about myself. It's the chance to resolve and grow and be refined. If the chance is misused, it will end up being another crossroads leading to hindsight causing me to wish I had made a better decision when the event was occuring.

I hate repeating things I should have done better/known better in the first place.