Measuring Up

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." - Samuel Johnson

I have been doing some thinking about interacting with others lately. It's so easy to love those who are pleasant and amiable. It's easy to get along with those who behave acceptably. It's easy to be nice to someone when you know you will get something nice in exchange.

But, it's a true labor of love to be good to those who won't be good to you in return. It's a true testament of character to be able to turn the other cheek when someone continually mistreats you on a large scale or small scale. It's choosing to be patient with that person while you allow the experience to smooth out your rough edges.

I'm always observing those around me to see how they treat others. I'm especially interested in watching those around me when it comes to their interactions with those poor souls who work in a customer service capacity.

1. Nothing annoys me more than watching someone treat our waiter / waitress without respect. I cringe when I'm out to dinner with someone and they either act like the waitstaff doesn't exist (ignorning questions, ignoring drink refill offers, not stopping their conversation when it's time to place the order) or they act like the waitstaff are idiots who should have read their mind to know what they needed when they haven't made the request in the first place (EXCUSE ME! I NEED THREE RAMIKANS OF SALAD DRESSING - NOT TWO) Combining the two makes me never want to have lunch with you again. Complaining about having to tip or leaving less than 15% when the food and service was good is also a huge red flag for me.
2. I think we can all agree that cell phone service in general can be a little pricey and that the companies overall look for ways to make extra money at every turn. However, being rude or condescending to those working the front line for said companies is misplacing your rage. 90% of the time, the person mistreating those at work is the person who would complain about having to pay tax dollars towards TANF, SNAP, and other goverment assisted programs for those who are NOT working. Instead of thinking about how this customer service rep is making an honest day's wage at a highly stressful job with little to no thanks and support from his/her customer base, that person thinks it's perfectly fine to yell and scream and holler and pitch an adult sized hissy fit "because I want the company to know how disgusted I am with their service!" If that's really how you feel, why not write a letter or call their headquarters? I can guarantee you that the person you just yelled at isn't going to take it on a company level and pass that feedback along to their higher ups. They are going to take it personally and eventually, they will either quit their job or they will become calloused and unpleasant, unwilling to do anything above and beyond the bare minimum of their job.
3. Thinking you're more important that you actually are is another thing that annoys me, but this one amuses me at the same time. If I pull up to a valet restaurant in my 2005 Dodge Neon that's covered in dust and bug guts, I expect the person parking my car to be courteous and prompt and pleasant. But, I don't expect them to roll out the red carpet and gush all over me and make me feel important. They know as well as I do that the tip I'm able to give at the end of the night isn't going to be the same kind of tip I would give if I was driving a Bentley. Expecting people to drop everything and make a fuss over you everytime you exhale is going to cause me to limit my time with you. Especially if you expect me to make a fuss over you everytime I see you. Does this mean I'm not happy to see my friends? Of course not. I just don't make a lot of room in my life for high maintenance folks. I simply don't have enough time to invest in those kinds of relationships. 

So, what brought all this on? I was watching my son today. Watching him watching me. Watching P. And I was reminded that he is a mirror of what he is around everyday. If I want him to be respectful and treat everyone courteously, kindly, consistently....I have to be a good example. I have to provide that standard for him. And it made me realize that if I can be kind to those who will do no good to me, I can be kind to EVERYONE in my life at all times. And that is what I want J to see on a daily basis and that is one of the things I want him to remember about me when he is grown.

Exhaustion

Ever run something through your brain so much that you need a mental health day from your own mind?

Yeah, totally that girl right now. I know it's all part of this process of being refined and pressed down and decreasing and learning to trust which means I can do it if I have my confidence in the right place.

But, tonight, my brain aches. And my heart hurts a little. And my temper is ragged and frayed. And my mouth hurts from keeping it closed when there are so many things that want to pour out in a torrent at times. These times are good for me...lather, rinse, repeat.

A Grain of Salt

Two things always stand out in my mind when it comes to salt...the first being that anything I say is to be seasoned with salt and the second thing being that when it comes to certain people, everything I hear needs to be taken with a grain of salt.


The first is a struggle for me at times. I'm pretty blunt and I purpose to lay things out as clearly as possible. Don't get me wrong, I love a good allegory as much as the next person, but most of the time, I find it's easier to get my point across if I just state things plain and dry. My husband told me last night that this is a good thing...most of the time. It's not such a good thing if I'm leaning towards not liking the person I'm conversing with because in those instances plain and dry can become cutting to the quick. The last thing I want is to hurt anyone with my words out of spite or maliciousness. Now, if someone gets their feelings hurt because I've been honest with them or pointed something out that they have asked about, that's on them. I regress a little but the main thrust is that I'm working on ALL of my speech being seasoned with salt. If I'm going to say something out loud, it needs to be benefitting to those who happen to hear it. If it doesn't benefit, I would do better to just keep it to myself.


The second is becoming something I default to when it comes to anyone that I don't know very well or haven't seen a consistent pattern of truth telling in their lives. I don't mean they flat out lie. I mean I've seen a tendency to stretch the truth, add to the truth, take away from the truth, or share an interpretation of the truth. Telling some of the truth is worse than telling a flat out lie in my book because the person hearing the news has to wade through it all and sort out what's fact, what's fiction, and what's opinion before they can determine what impact (if any) the news has on their life or what role they might need to play in the situation.


And then, there is just plain old gossip which is something I cannot abide. BECAUSE if I'm not part of the problem, I'm probably not going to be part of the solution. And if I'm not part of the solution, what purpose does it serve anyone for me to know about something that's none of my business? I've made it a policy and put it out there many times that if it's gossip, I would rather not know. Does this mean that I'm not accosted by people on a fairly regular basis? Of course not. But, I have noticed that instead of it being presented as gossip, it's usually presented as news which means it falls into giving it a good dose of salt before, during, and after we're done speaking to each other.


And that's why salt is becoming my go to on giving and receiving words. And with some people that happen to be in my life, I'd almost rather we didn't speak because it's such a process to actually get to the bottom of what they're trying to tell me.


But, that falls under the "being patient" category which I definitely need to do some growing in because I know the Lord has certainly been very patient with me which means I need to extend the same amount of patience to everyone else. And, I know I have a lot of growing up to do too. Still.