Soccer Widow

Soccer Widow

I am working through something that is so trivial when I actually put it into words, but it is still making me annoyed / disappointed.

Pete played soccer during the spring season with a bunch of guys we know (mostly through church.) Sounds like fun on the surface, right? Well, it wasn't. Not for him and certainly not for me. I was in my last month of pregnancy when the season officially kicked off and Elliott was born at the very end of February. Newborn babies, a 1.5 year old, and soccer practice / soccer games just do not mix. I found myself completely alone in the house every Saturday (pretty much all day), every practice night (two - three per week), whenever the guys wanted to review the games on video, and/or whenever the guys wanted to go to dinner after the game. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if it had been limited to these (too many) activities, but then there was the soccer spillover, as I like to call it.

Saturdays just wore Pete out. He's in his thirties, not used to playing that intensely, and every little thing would provoke him so by the time he arrived home from the game, he would have to spend a few hours decompressing and ragging on the other players, the other team, the ref, the crowd, WHOMEVER got on his nerves that day. I am sure it annoyed me more than it should have due to the sleep deprivation, raging hormones, mastitis, and other baby related stuff, but let me just tell you that it was one of the most discouraging seasons of my married life.

On top of that, Pete started missing church on Sundays because he needed to sleep in to recover from Saturday. On the rare occasions that we made it out to my parents house for sunday dinner, he would either fall asleep in the recliner or go shut himself up in the music room. IF he talked to anyone for any length of time, it was to my two brothers who also played on the team which was like the saturday ragging session intensified. Again, DISCOURAGING.

So, by the end of the season, Pete was beginning to see that he left that soccer field angry and upset with people over the STUPIDEST things. He came home after the last game, sat down with me, and stated that he didn't think it was good for him to play and that he was not going to play in the fall season. I wholeheartedly approved and thanked him profusely and have reminded him of this position from time to time over the summer. Each time it came up, he was adament that he was NOT going to play.

And then, he committed to the team again. And THEN came home to tell me that he had committed. No discussion. No asking my opinion. Just "Yeah, sure guys! Sounds great!" I was not very happy about this...so, another discussion ensued. I shared everything I have shared here to which he said that he wanted to pray about it and he would let me know what he came up with at the end. So, he then told the team captain that it wasn't peaceable for him to play this season and THEN came home to tell me what had happened. I was so estatic that he had decided not to play.

But, then, he started talking about how much he was going to resent me if he didn't play. And he started talking about how it was his decision to make. And about how he just needed some time to himself every week. I have seriously had to fight back some major annoyance / wanting to choke someone during these conversations.

I pleaded with him to please not sign up again. I talked about my concerns. About the time it takes away from our family and our extended family. About how much it disrupts our ability to have people over to visit and to eat dinner on Fridays. About how much it influenced him not attending church each week.

And yet, he decided to do it. And every single time something comes up and I realize that I am either not going to be able to commit to doing it / helping with it / going to it / etc... OR I realize that I'm going to have to reach out to my family and beg for someone to help me keep up with the boys (when I feel like it's Pete's job to do), I get ANNOYED. Majorly annoyed.

So, you all pray for me, please. Otherwise, it's going to be a VERY long soccer season.

Clarity

....is that moment when you realize that you are going to HAVE to let go of something you have been holding onto in order to move forward with the things God is wanting to do for you, through you, and in you.

It's The Little Things

I just introduced Jackson to the joy that is a Peanut Butter and Marshmallow Creme sandwich (aka The Fluffernut) and he is DEVOURING it. Not just picking at it like he usually does with sandwiches, but decimating each morsel of bread, spread, and creme. In between bites, he runs over and says, "Mmmmm. Like this, Mommy. Goooooood."

My work here is done.

Wowza

After being a saleswoman for an entire week now, how in the world to people who do this for a living handle REJECTION so well?

Pete is the project manager for our local Chamber of Commerce Member Directory which goes to print in December. In the meantime, he / we need to reach out to 450+ members and see if they wish to purchase any ad space in the print directory and/or online. We have reached out to approximately 1/3 of the list in the past week which is good and we have made sales which is good. But, neither of us like "selling" things (fundraisers, sales, etc...) and we both have a hard time bouncing back from a "no" (especially the ugly no as opposed a nice, but firm no thank you)

I have had to go with Pete on most of the sales visits this week which means our babies have either been with my family or with their Auntie Janice. They are doing okay, but we are starting to see some stress / anxiety from Jackson - worrying about when we will be back and wanting to go with us. When we arrived home today, he was standing on his window seat, looking out the window for us. He has just wanted to be held and carried around and tonight he asked if I could sleep in his baby bed with him. So, tomorrow, we are not doing ANYTHING unless it involves the babies.

Elliott's first tooth has FINALLY broke through after two solid months of low grade temps and excessive drooling. It's the cutest little thing I have ever seen because he breaks into his huge gummy smile and now there is a teeny white bump poking up along the bottom gum. He seems to be pretty happy about the whole outcome. Hopefully, several more will follow in quick succession.

I went in for bloodwork today. I am feeling like I do when my thyroid is not cooperating. My face and hands have been swollen for the past week and I've gained about 6 lbs this week. Running a low grade temp, feeling extremely tired, and sick to my stomach most of the time. My lab results show a little dehydration, but my TSH and Free 4 levels were in the normal range and haven't moved too much from my last test in April so I will just stick with my current dosage and try to clean up my eating to counteract the unexplained weight gain. My nutritionist advised me to only eat fruit, veggies, and fish when things get out of whack, so I will have to make myself to do that over the next few weeks.

Sometimes, it seems that if it's not one thing...it's another. ;)

Patience, Patience!

Yesterday was a long day. I spent about 7 hours in the car by the time everything was said and done and we started the day around 5:30am. I have never been more excited for bedtime in recent memory than I was last night!

Elliott had other plans for the evening, however, and managed to wake himself up 3 times between 12am and 6am. I realized around 3:30am that my eyes were/are  hurting, my head was/is throbbing, my throat was/is aching, and my stomach was hurting from all the drainage that was/is pouring down my throat. Guess who is the latest succumber to this never ending virus that continues to make the rounds of our family and friends? This gal.

So, we stayed home from church this morning. In addition to me not feeling well, both boys have streaming noses and a low grade temp. And Pete is just worn out from watching the boys yesterday...writing that sentence made me giggle on the inside so I feel slightly more upbeat now. I'm going to finish cleaning the kitchen before the upswing goes away.

Wallyball

My body is trying to send me a message. I am too old and out of shape to be out on a wallyball court with a bunch of high school and college aged children. But, my brain tells me that if I will just push through another few weeks, I will be able to hold my own. What I mean by hold my own is hit the ball at least 75% of the time and not close my eyes while doing so. (Aim high, right?)

So, why is a thirty something year old out playing sports with people a decade younger you might be asking...interesting story. I will let you know the outcome in a few weeks.

In other news, Elliott and Jackson are both still under the weather and I am beginning to feel a little scratchiness in my throat as well, but Mom doesn't have time to be sick so we're just going to push through. I am scanning pictures of my baby brother while the boys nap. After they wake, we'll head out to my mom's house for a few hours. Then, back into town so I can meet up with one of my friends for dinner - she also happens to be my OB so it is going to be very nice to see her outside of me having a baby. Tomorrow, I am headed to Elk City for a funeral. One of my sweet friends lost her mother to lymphoma on Wednesday morning after a year long battle. Praying for their family and asking for the Lord to bring peace to their hearts.

Husband

Pete and I have been together for nine years now. He still manages to find ways to let me know how much he loves me. The latest gesture happened last night. He came home from church, took one look at my exhausted face, and informed me that he was going to take care of Elliott during the night so I could have one decent night of rest. Needless to say, I went to sleep as fast as I could and when I woke up at 8:15am, I felt like an almost new person.

I don't know very many men who are so willing to pitch in with all of the little day to day details that go into raising babies. I'm just very thankful to have a partner in this crazy journey who loves to cook, knows which laundry is okay for him to wash and which articles of clothing are best left for me to handle, doesn't mind changing diapers, and never complains about how many times I send him to the store because I forgot to get something on my list.

We don't have as much time for the two of us as we are accustomed to having which is requiring a conscious effort on both parts to make better use of the limited time we do have, but I think as long as we are remembering to make and look for the little gestures of love, we are going to be just fine.

Rounding the corner!

So pleased to report that Jack slept through from 7:30pm to 8am! He is much better this morning...as evidenced by the entire bottle of Comet he sprinkled all over the bathroom while I was in the shower! Oh well. I would rather have him feeling well and getting into little boy mischief as opposed to him not feeling well. He is sitting on his blanket at my feet playing with his meercat. We are watching the cycling at the Olympics at the moment and he turned around and said, "Guy. Bicycle. Going to May May's house." I do love how his mind processes things.

Elliott was only pretending to sleep through the night...well played, son. Well played. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker! Last night, he was back to his usual 1:45am, 4:30am, 6:30am. I am going to try a double feeding tonight before bed to see if I can get him full enough to skip the 1:45am. He will not eat cereal. We have tried and tried. He seems to dislike the texture.

My brother and his special friend are coming over for lunch today. I am excited, but I also want to be very mindful for what I say and do. Wanting to be an encouragement! Speaking of which, I had better get this laundry folded and put away. And I still need to go vacuum up the stray flecks of Comet.