If I could go back and do it all again...

Well, simply put, I wouldn't.

Living in the here and now, enjoying the life that I have now, being thankful for His mercies which are new every single day means there is peace and contentment. There is a complete lack of anxiety or fear. I don't have to spend a single second of my day trying to figure out all the angles and plan and scheme my future away.

I remember being 19 - 23. They were some of the darkest, most feaful days of my life. I thought I knew better. I thought there was a better life "somewhere out there" away from the accountability and away from the support that had been offered to me through my family and my extended family. I allowed myself to look to other PEOPLE as my standard and was somehow shocked and disappointed when they failed to measure up to my expectations at times. I grew weary in walking in love towards other people. I grew tired of "having people poking their nose into my business all the time" because I wasn't able to see that they were holding a mirror up to my face and asking me to take a look at what I was becoming. I didn't understand it came from a place of caring about me and for me and wanting to see me succeed in everything that was GOOD for me.

It breaks my heart to see others struggling with the same things. And it's not just the younger crowd. I see people my age and older going through the same testing that I went through all those years ago. And, I want to say to each of them...it will not be worth it in the end should you choose to turn your back on the things that you know to be true. Even if you were to argue that you are unsure of the truth or you don't agree that it's the truth, time will show. And the world is a harsh teacher and even crueler master.

Count the cost before you put on those rose colored glasses and abandon everything you have known up to this point. If there is a lack of peace, it's not from above.

And that's all I have to say about that.

If I were a psychologist...

Oklahoma weather would definitely be diagnosed as schizophrenic with bipolar tendencies today. Cold enough for a jacket to too warm for a jacket in the space of an hour. Sunny when I left the house followed by a smattering of rain to a quick downpour almost immediately back to sunny. And now, the sky surrounding my house is a lovely red dirt haze. Hang on tornado season, here we come!

Almost time

We are two weeks away from sweet baby E's due date, but he's already the same size as J was when J was born. In light of all the contractions I have been having at random intervals, I am thinking E might be here ahead of schedule which is okay by me!

I finally got the hospital bag packed and my focal point finished. I decided to do something similiar to last time. A few scriptures, two pics of J, and an ultrasound pic of E in a frame. It's nice to have something to focus on when things start getting intense and between E's sweet face and J running around in some striped pjs and piggy ears, I will have all the incentive I need to push through. No pun intended.

E's baby shower is this Sunday. Between my sister's wedding, wedding showers, and this baby shower, I think my family has the streamlined approach down to perfection. We're having the shower immediately following the church service, we're serving grab and go refreshments, and we're just having the gifts displayed instead of opening everything. The only sit down and stop activity is the ABC book. We made one at J's shower and it's still my most favorite gift. Each shower guest selects a letter of the alphabet and then colors a page that represents the letter. J's book is adorable because it's a great mix of adults and kids' artwork. I can't wait to see E's when it's finished.

I have a few more household things that I need to finish up and P needs to finish remodeling the guest bath so we can prepare for the British invasions that will occur over the next couple of months, but other than that...I think we're good. :)